Piątek 9 Wrz 2011, 15:06
1) Tori Amos: STFU about being a minister’s daughter. You’re a 50 year old mother, wife, and multi-millionaire living on the seaside in Cornwall. You obviously got over any personal religious guilt a decade ago. Let someone else produce your albums and stop trying to re-make Boys for Pele because it’s not going to happen. Bring back your harpsichord.
2) Kate Bush: The Director’s Cut was kind of a lame concept. Make new music instead of re-visiting your old albums. The new video for “Deeper Understanding” was stupid and looked like a singing asshole.
3) Buckethead: You’re out of ideas. I hope the death of your hero Michael Jackson inspires you to create something beautiful. You need to start touring with a full band again and not just your guitar and a fucking ipod (talk about a disappointing live show).
4) Bjork: Not everyone can afford an iPad, iPhone or whatever the hell you’re releasing your albums on these days. I wish you would swing your spectrum back to nature and not technology.
5) PJ Harvey: Break out your insane banshee voice again. Put down the piano/ukulele/whatever and play the guitar, because you’re not very good at the other instruments.
6) The Knife: You should work with more rappers, because a lot of the lyrics y’all write are kind of dull. I can’t help but think y’all just want to be that weird backing band that plays at the Roadhouse in “Twin Peaks”.
7) Nine Inch Nails: Are you broken up or not? I can’t say I really care at this point. Trent Reznor is an Oscar winner and daddy now, but he’ll always be addicted to heroin and covered in mud to me. Y’all were way too happy when I saw you in concert (but it was an overall good show). A lot of the instrumental stuff you release nowadays is nice – stay on that route because your lyrics were never that great to begin with, and Pretty Hate Machine could have been called Skinny Puppy Deux.
8) Mr. Bungle: Get your panties out of a bunch and do a reunion show/tour, new album, whatever. At least give us a live DVD or something. Mike Patton needs to realize there’s more to America than California and New York.
9) Lykke Li: Your second album was kind of forgettable. The art direction of a lot of your photos and videos are repetitive and uninspired, and headbands look really fucking stupid on anyone, Swedish or otherwise.
10) Joanna Newsom: I preferred your “old” voice before you released “Have One On Me”, but I can’t get irritated with you for developing nodules on your vocal chords. I’m still waiting for you to play the harp on a Lonely Island song. You should have played more harp on “Have One On Me”, because your piano skills are meh.